We are family! We are adults!! Act like it!!

I love my family. They are may family.

I have a brother, like any normal pair of siblings who are about three years about, we have sibling rivalry.  We competed for our parents attention.  Who learned to ride a bike first? Who could stay out and play after dark? All completely normal.  As we got older and our now in our thirties we still have the child dynamic of sibling rivalry.   My brother picks on me just like we were teenagers, he thinks it is okay.  Even when I point out to him, that it is not appropriate, he laughs it off.  Today, I feel a line was crossed.  On Facebook, I changed my profile photo to support marriage equality.  Immediately my phone blew up with text messages from my brother, asking what my profile photo meant, and then he told me my beliefs were wrong.  I can't even share my views with him, he just shuts down like a child and runs off.  When this happens years will pass with out him speaking to me.  I thought we were past this stuff, we are in out thirties, he has a child, we only have our mother left.  Our mom suffered a stroke and is in a nursing home, because she limited use of her right side and has a hard time speaking.  

I am flustered but I know not to poke the bear. I am going to let it slide I would rather have family in my life that push them away over something petty.  I don't feel my brother reciprocates these same feelings. 

I never tell him I believe his political or religious views are wrong. He will do that to me.  Every time, just like today.  My views are my views and your views are yours.  I won't convert you, don't convert me.    

We are in our thirties, I want to be adult friends, I want to be in my niece's life. 
I have been trying for years, my brother can't be friends with my friends, they all do something to offend him.  They are not even trying, it just happens.  It can be the most random comment, he takes offense and runs off. I remember a joke about a paraplegic baby made him walk out of a restaurant.  He was a joke, not meant to offend anyone, just to make people laugh. 

He never introduces me to his friends or anything. He just snaps at me for my behavior and those around me. Today it hurts my soul to think my niece will grow never really knowing me or grow up to think I am bad person, because I don't share the believes of his parents. 

Don't Punish Yourself For Me

Do it because you want to do it

If you do something to annoy me, 
don't do a good thing for me, 
as punishment for yourself. 

Do something good for me. 

You do a task, 
to punish yourself,
because you think it makes me happy. 

I want you to do that task, 
but only if you want. 
Don't do it to punish yourself.

I don't want that task to be a punishment. 

Nighttime

Night time is a funny time.
The sun has no place in this time.
The night is made for the moon to shine.
The moon does not always brighten the sky.

Night time is quiet.
Day time is chaotic.

I like the quiet.
I want to be awake,
when the sun is shining.

When things are chaotic,
I want to run to the shadows.

It is so hard to sleep when things are peaceful.

Why isn't the day quiet?

Old Poems

Moments Frozen

Snap a picture,
A moment frozen in time.
Stolen memory.
\Funny face,
Closed eyes,
Bunny ears,
All frozen on a piece of paper.
\Bad Hair,
Closed eyes,
Crossed eyes,
Preserved on paper.
\Memories to review,
Memories to hold,
Memories to share, forever,
Memories to treasure.

Many a Day

Some days.
\Rumbling clouds above,
Overcast skies darken the room,
No falling water.
\Other days.
\Days are very long,
Sun shines brightly upon us,
Hot air surrounds all.
\Almost nine o'clock,
Blue sky is still around us,
White clouds still linger.
\Some Nights.
\Very dark, no moon,
Dark clouds cover the night sky,
There is a slight breeze.

Questions?

There are some many things in this world.
Too many things to choose from.
Do we ever know if we made a correct choice?
Even though we have made a good choice.
Was it the best?
It we question ourselves all the time,
That is all we would do.
Never accomplishing anything.

Flustration

All the blood rushes to your head.
The tips of your ears turn red.
All you want is to scream.
You are in a room full of people.
Will they notice if you scream?
Will they care?
Count to ten?
Breath.
Hmp, that never works.
Just pause.
Enjoy the rage.
It will soon pass

Time Passes

As the day passes,
I still think of you.
As the hour passes,
I still think of you.
As the minute passes,
I still think of you.
As the second passes,
I sometimes forget.

Time passes,
You are still in my heart.
I still hear your voice.
I still feel your touch.
I still smell your body.

I want you here.
I want you near me.

I wish for you to be here.
I wish for you to just appear.

My wishes and wants are for naught.
I will always miss you.

People of the Past

In the mist of dark, 
When there is little or no light, 
When most people and things are quiet, 
I get sad, 
I long for people of the past, 
I want them to hold me, 
I want to hear their voice.   
Every night,  
I am haunted by this feeling.